Lonely At The Top
by HearMeCalling
Summary: A Rachel One-shot. A character study.


**A/N:** I'm not a big Rachel fan, but I feel the need to get inside her head. Entering it, I really like her. I feel kind of bad for her because everyone thinks she needs an attitude adjustment. Yes. She does. She could be a little less conceited. However. She does have a great voice and deserves to have a few bragging rights.

Anyways. Not as good as my Kurt's. : P Enjoy!

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**Lonely At The Top**

I knew it was going to be this way before I even joined Glee club. I was the best, I always had been. Sure there were only two members for the first few years I was in the club (we never went to any competitions and Mr. Ryerson was a sorry excuse for a man). Also, I'm quite full of myself. Isn't that the way it's supposed to be? I'm _good_. Aren't I allowed some sort of bragging rights? Don't all huge stars have really big egos? Perhaps I should work on that, but they have to know that I'm really one of the only people in this school that could take them to regionals.

They need me and...I need them.

There is something I had always longed for, however. I always wanted a friend I could call my own. One to sleep over on weekends and one I could call every evening just because I felt like it. One who loved music and Broadway just as much as me and one who didn't care if I had a big head or bragged about things. It's how I always have been. I don't think I could change.

I do love myself however. Not in the self-adoration way (though, true, I do love my voice and I am attractive) but rather in the "I love myself to be who I am" kind of way. I guess I really don't need a best friend to call my own as much as I need stardom. I crave it. My name will be up in lights someday and all of those who have thrown slushies at me will regret it.

Glee club.

This is where things become muddled, confusing. They are so accepting of everything and everyone. The fact that Quinn is pregnant, the fact that Kurt is gay, the fact that Finn is a bit of an air head, the fact that Artie is parapalegic, and the fact that Tina has (or, _had_ ) a stutter. Me, however? I'm truly shunned by everyone because I have a "horrible personality". I've already admitted that, yes, I do like myself too much but if everyone else can has some sort of character flaw, why can't I? I'm not allowed, I suppose. But why not? Why can't I? It just makes me so angry sometimes. What they say…

Have you ever felt so rejected that you don't want to leave your house because you feel like you'll be ignored by _everyone_? Maybe your best friend is angry at you. Maybe there was a nasty rumor spread about you. This doesn't just happen to me sometimes, it happens to me _all the time. Everyday._

I dare those who _think_ they are strong mentally to live my life. You'll see how difficult it is. I'm still human. I have feelings (despite being occasionally cold to others).

Some of you can't fathom the amount of loneliness a true star witnesses. Papparazzi, tons of adoring fans, but a big ego that could fill a room usually pushes people away.

I keep telling myself "It's lonely at the top, it's lonely at the top".

It never helps.

I hope someday I can audition for Broadway or something of the like to where I could be a star. Where _I _could live in the limelight that I deserve, or rather crave so much that it hurts when I think about it.

Who cares if I don't have friends?

Stardom. That's my friend.

I have yet to meet him, but soon I shall and the world will be eating out of the palm of my hand.

The others would laugh at this. Yeah. I know. I sound stupid, conceited, big-headed….all those words that describe how I am.

Maybe I should change…

Maybe just a little.

"You're extremely talented Rachel. Watching you perform is…amazing. But sometimes it's hard to appreciate how talented you are, when all I'm thinking about is shoving a sock into your mouth."

Kurt, despite the ending to that statement, that means the world to me. Mostly because you're a great singer as well. I heard you sing Defying Gravity, and I admittedly was entranced.

And Mercedes, I loved your rendition of "And I'm Telling You I'm Not Going". Jennifer Hudson has nothing on you.

Tina, "True Colors" is a great song for you. Perhaps not Tonight, but that's only because Maria is in fact a self-proclaimed part that is near and dear to me. If it wasn't though, you could have it.

Finn, you have a voice that makes every girl (and guy, in Kurt's case) want to pin you to the floor. Even though you are a little too obsessed with your reputation (the one you'll never get back, by the way) you are, admittedly, really rockstar.

What can I say about you, Noah? The fact that your attitude needs just as big of an adjustment as mine does kind of makes me want to stomp on your foot. However, you are a pretty good performer.

Artie Abrams. You have quite the voice and I really love listening to it. You should be in a boy band. You'd make a great lead vocal.

The rest, I haven't really heard you sing. Since you all auditioned and were accepted into the Glee club, I'm guessing you can sing. If you need vocal coaching, I'm willing to.

They probably wouldn't believe a word of that if I showed them it. No matter. I'm Rachel Berry, I'm who I am.

I just wish….it wasn't so lonely at the top. You know?


End file.
